The End of Year One

I can't believe it - I have survived my first year of teaching!


It has been an ambivalent year. I, myself, have grown and been stretched farther than I have thought possible. I have learned patience in a multitude of scenarios and also the meaning of grace. I have learned how mental health is just as important as your physical health. (More on that in a later post.) I have learned that the students I have been around impact how I think and act as much as I do to them. I have learned that the secret to getting things done comes with allowing yourself small victories and just taking one bite of the elephant at a time.


My heart sits heavy in my chest, knowing that I am leaving Weatherford behind. A new chapter of my life is beginning in July and with it, a change in where I will be teaching. ( I know - I'm coming back for more! How crazy am I?) And, while, yes, I will miss these students and work friends/peers that I have gotten to grow within the last year, I know that God has a plan for the future.


There are other people that I am to meet - other people who are going to help mold me into a better human. There are other people that hopefully, I'll influence as well.


At this time, I am unsure of where that place is. I'm waiting to hear back from some different school districts (that's the worst part of job hunting - waiting), but I know that wherever I end up is where I will need to be.


This year was hard (I would be lying to say otherwise) and we, as a team, had a lot of weird and chaotic things thrown our way. There were definitely some mishaps and growing pains experienced, but I do feel that we are all walking away from each other on a positive note.


Going into this school year, I was terrified of making it out. Everything seemed so far away and there were times I swear that one school day dragged out the length of the week. As we crept closer to May, I found myself wanting to slow everything down! My time here was quickly coming to a close and I didn't want to let go of everything just yet.


Turns out that God always knows what He's doing - even if I can't see that far into the future.


Basically, this post is to say, thank you Weatherford High School, for teaching me so much about myself, my teaching style, and how to be a better human. You have given me more tools in my toolbox to carry with me to whatever school follows. Thank you for preparing me for what lies ahead.


Onto the next great adventure!


-Kaity

Welcome 2017!

     Ah, a new year. A new opportunity to make goals to improve my life in some way or another.

     That sounds sarcastic. Let me try again.

     For years I tend to use January 1st as a day to look over my previous resolutions, wallow about how many I didn't accomplish, then start setting "new" resolutions that look amazingly similar to the previous year's set and hope that this year I'm going to be more successful. This has been an ongoing cycle for many a year and it's time to stop.

     2016, for many, seemed to be an incredibly rough year - at least based on what was posted on social media. For me, the year was much like learning to ride a bike without training wheels; I feel a lot and got a bit banged up. The problem is that if I focused on all the memories of falling and getting hurt, I would never again ride the bike.

     Sure this year has been nothing by a giant, painful learning curve - but a learning curve means I am growing and improving. 2016 was also filled with a lot of positive things, too. I graduated with a MASTER'S DEGREE and got ENGAGED on the same day!! There are two positives right there!

   --> I got my first teaching job!
   --> I had knee surgery that will allow me to run marathons when I am healed.
   -->I'm making progress on paying off my student loans.
   -->I've actually started to write a FREAKING NOVEL!
   -->I started a booktube and bookstagram account, met some really cool people world wide, and started an online book club with them.

     2016 had a lot more positives that I gave it credit for during the actual year. (I do think that part of my negative mindset comes from how often I'm on social media. Time to limit that...)

     So, what are my resolutions for 2017 then? Are there things I want to change about myself? Always. Things I want to accomplish? Of course! However, one thing that I have noticed every year with my resolutions is that, for me, there is something about saying "I have to do this... " that turns things I am more than excited to do into a chore, and I lose momentum. This year, I'm going to try something different.

2017 Resolutions

3. Read 30 books. 

(A minimum of 12 of these books must be written by an author that is diverse in some way. )

2. Become more consistent.

(I love to plan - I hate to do.)

1. Be happy.

(Reflect on the positives. Do what I want to do because I have the privilege and drive to, not because I have to. Spend more time offline than online. Enjoy people and places I find myself with and in. Be willing to say "no" to things I don't want and "yes" to new, exciting things. )

     I want 2017 to be GREAT! (I mean #thebighittwedding is happening, so obviously it will be!) But for it to be great, I must start with a great mindset. It's not going to be easy, especially with being a naturally pessimistic person, but I have to. I have to for me. 

     In the words of Switchfoot, "Why would I wait to die to come alive?"

          Happy 2017, readers!

          Until next time,

               Kaity

24 Reasons To Be Grateful

I was going to do a whole post on patience, but I realized that there is literally 6 more months of learning on that topic before I can post anything worthwhile.

Instead, I decided that I am going to create a list of things I'm thankful for because, in our current world and in my current situation, it turns out that it is quite easy to become Negative Nancy.

24. My family (and yes, that does include my finacé and his family as well) that has done nothing more than be supportive to me throughout my life and be physically supportive to me during my recovery time after my surgery. 

23. Doctors that know what they are doing. So, yes, I had a last minute doctor change who decided that instead of using a cadaver's ACL, we were going to rebuild it using my own tissue. While this will take a longer recovery time, he claims that I'll be 100% at the end of six months and be able to train for a marathon. For a runner, that's some of the best news I could've received. 

22. Working as a teacher. While there will always be days where this job is frustrating (as any teacher can attest to), there are days that make this job worthwhile. 

21. Progress. I'm making progress in all that I do. I'm making progress in becoming a better teacher; I'm making progress on my exercises from the doctor; I'm making progress on the first draft of the book I'm writing. Every day, I make progress. 

20. Creativity. Being stuck on a bed or a couch for long hours at a time is quite boring, but luckily I have a creative mind that allows me to write out fantastical tales, blog posts, or video scripts that can take up time.

19. The ability to read. I love to read and that is not surprising to anyone reading this post, but I am thankful for the ability. When my creative juices seem to run low, or I am just too groggy to think on my own, I can always turn to my massive stacks of books to keep me company. 

18. Puppies. Currently, there are two waggily tales that are with us for Thanksgiving, but there is one in particular who greets me excitedly every day, no matter my mood. Amos has definitely lifted my spirits on days that I have felt drained. This week, we also have Barney who is making sure I have double the affection!

17. Stubbornness. Now, this is one of those things that people might say is more of a negative trait than a positive one for me. However, currently, it's one of the things that keeps moving me forward. I will get better. I will get stronger. I will complete those things that I want to do. 

16. Books. No, I do not count this as the same as number 19, because not everyone is blessed with the abundant amount of worlds and fantasies I have gathered around me to dive into when I need to escape the reality of the world. 

15. Financial stability. So, yes, I still have loans, medical bills, and a wedding to pay for, but I am not hurting. I am thankful that my parents are letting me spend a year at home so that I can pay for all of these things without hurting. (and still allow me to buy a couple books here and here ;) )

14. The internet. I have so many friends who I no longer live near and, as much backlash as social media gets, I am very much thankful for it. It allows for me to continue conversations with people that I may not get to talk with otherwise - celebrate when the time calls for it and grief when they need it. It also allows me to meet and befriend amazing people that I might not get to know outside of the interwebs. 

13. Vacation.  I feel that this one doesn't need explanation. :)

12. Chocolate - because everything can be made better by chocolate. 

11. I am thankful for a country that allows me to speak my own mind in any form I chose. Though most people find this dangerous and, personally, most people abuse this, I am still thankful we have this right. I am thankful that I am allowed to freely discuss different opinions and ideas with people without fearing for my life. 

10. Fall. There's something so wonderful about this season. Warm, fuzzy things, crisp air, spice smells and SO. MUCH. FOOD! I love the fall. For me, it's the happiest time of the year! (Especially in Texas where it's still in the 60s and 70s. )

9. Laughter. People say that laughter is the best medicine, but it's also a great way to bond with people. Most of my best memories with people are of us sharing stories and creating really weird inside jokes. Laughter doesn't have a language barrier.

8. Beautiful Nerves. Now, I know most people always have a weird story from their surgery, because they are loopy, but I have one before my medicine hit. I received a nerve block before I went under (for obvious reasons.) So, these two wonderful ladies come in and they use an ultrasound to find the nerves in my thigh, followed by a horribly long needle to make doubly sure I feel no pain. As they are looking around, the doctor goes, "You have such beautiful nerves." And then I got a whole lot of medicine in my system. 

So, when I am feeling down, I just have to remember that I got beautiful nerves in my body, which makes me beautiful as well. 

7. Bending knees. I never knew how grateful I would be for this common body movement until I was not allowed to do so for a week.

6. Friends. The family that has chosen to love me, my weirdness, and everything else that comes along with it. 

5.  Brand new days. Because sometimes the only way to move forward is knowing that yesterday cannot possibly be repeated. There is a chance for forgiveness and there is a chance to start again. 

4. The Dallas Cowboys having their first great season in a good long while. 

3.  The Ice Machine. If you have ever used one, you totally understand. If you haven't, well, be thankful you haven't. 

2. My finacé. (Yes, he gets his own) He has chosen to stick with me for better or for worst for the rest of our lives. That's worth being your own number on this list. :)

1. A God that is control of all aspects of my life, even if I am unsure what will happen come tomorrow. 

There are 24 reasons that I am grateful this season. 24 things that I need to remind myself constantly through the next six months of my life. Hopefully, as this time progresses, I will be able to constantly add to this list, and be able to train myself to stay in the Positive Pam mindset - because I know that it's a much better place to be. 

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Until next time,

Kaity 

The Process of Change

     For the last few weeks, I haven't written a blog post for a couple reasons. The first, being the most obvious, is the lack of time. It astounds me how short 24 hours really is. The second is not as easily explained; that is the fear of admitting the truth.

     These last few weeks have not been easy for me. They have forced me to really analyze the limits of my flexibility and patience ( I'm currently learning how to push those boundaries wider and wider), my teaching style (which is currently all over the place), do I like who I am as a teacher and as a person, and am I where I want to be (in the more abstract sense)? Y'all, I am struggling with figuring out a lot of these answers.

     I don't like the feeling of not knowing. I don't like the feeling of failure, and that's the feeling that I've been struggling with the most. Have I failed already in these first five weeks? Am I doing what is best for my students? Am I completing everything that is being asked of me?

     To me, part of that failure feeling also comes from not being able to write a 100% positive post over what is happening to me right now. I feel that I am struggling with finding the good things that I know, at some point, are happening during the days at my school.

      So, that's the reason that I have been quiet the last few weeks - I feel like I have not been as successful as what I would like to show on this blog. But, as I have stated before, this is my real life. I just need to find a way to seek out the positive in it.

    On a much happier note:

     Wedding planning, during all of this crazy, has somehow been progressing. There are things that we can officially knock off or to-do list, and that is such a wonderful feeling.

          ✓  Venue
        ✓  Photographer
          ✓  Videographer
          ✓  DJ
          ✓  Wedding Rings

     Engagement photos are coming up, dress shopping will be happening soon, and my goodness tastings out the wazooie!

      We are rocking and rolling over here! Every time we take a little bit of the weekend to complete a task (and God bless Charles because he's been doing most of them while I bury myself in school work) I get excited all over again, but not about the wedding. I mean, sure, our wedding is going to be awesome, but it's the part after I'm ready for; spending the rest of my life with my best friend and the person that I love most in this world. I'm ready for the marriage, and wedding planning reminds me that I am one day closer to getting there.

     That's my light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. The little thing that keeps me sane. When teaching gets tough,  ignore it for a while by planning your wedding.

     Probably not the best philosophy in the world, but at the moment, it's allowing me to stay sane.

     Until next time,

          Katiy

A New Kind of Tired

Everybody warned me that the first week of teaching would be hell, especially on a new teacher. Especially on a Deaf Ed newbie like myself. But y'all, I still didn't know what would hit me.

Here I sit at 10:05 on a Sunday night, just wrapping up my lesson plans for this week. Not any of the materials - just the actual plans themselves. It has taken me over 4.5 hours to come up with six subject lesson plans for the week. (18 lesson plans because we have a weird block schedule-type thing.) I. Am. Pooped.

I think that the part of that is two-fold. First, I am learning the system of the school. Dos and don'ts, things that need to get done, how to be a case manager,  and how to do extra things that I didn't know I was going to be doing this year. Of course, add on that that we didn't get our schedules until three days in and you have a fairly stressed child.

Then, on top of that, those subjects that I never, ever wanted to see in my lifetime again have been added to my schedule. Geometry? Easy Peasy. Math Models? No sweat. Basic Science? I'll figure it out. World History? English? Now you've lost me.

Luckily, there are some nice teachers up here at Weatherford ISD that are pretty awesome and very willing to help a Newbie Teacher like me out. It brings my stress level down from about 100 to a 98.

All I know is that I am just so tired and there seems to be a never-ending list of things that need to be taken care of for school - which right now trumps the wedding and personal to-do lists. I feel like grad school taught me the theory behind swimming and then, feeling confident, I jumped into the deep end of the pool with no floaties on. Even though I'm pumping my arms and legs as fast as they will go, it feels like it's barely enough to keep my head above water.

People are constantly telling me that it will get easier - by the third year, you'll have a system down. Right now, I'm praying that I just get to the end of the week. We're already the second week in and I'm realizing mistakes that I've made; changes to how I would like to run my classroom. Right now, it's easy to change up what I'm doing, but I know it won't be easier the deeper we go.

If I were to sum up this last week into one word, it would be overwhelming. I am tired, both mentally and physically. I feel like I've been working nonstop and have very little to show for it. I know that most people always talk about the positives that happen in their life, but I want to give an accurate portrayal of becoming an adult, and it's not all butterflies and roses. This week was hard, y'all, and I know it won't be the only one.

So, this week, pray for the teachers. Pray for the ones who have been there for years, and then give extra prayers to the newbies like me, who feel like they are quite literally drowning. Pray that, as we are learning how to swim, we are reminded of why we chose this profession in the first place.

Thanks,

Kaity

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

     People always say that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Well, God is currently laughing so hard at me, there are tears in His eyes.

     You see, I am a stubborn child that likes to plan out my life. In January, I had a pretty decent idea of how the next twelve months were going to go. At the beginning of each of those months, I made a list of goals. Those goals were broken down by weeks and then I figured out what I needed to do each day to have a successful and productive week.

     Oh, yes. I am the mom from The Little Prince movie. (Phenomenal retelling of the book, by the way. If you have the time, you should watch the movie on Netflix.) I love planning. I don't like surprises; I prefer being fully prepared.

     I also have this tattoo on my side that represents "being willing to change". The whole point of me getting that tattoo two years ago was as a personal reminder that it's God's plan, not mine, that I need to follow. Does this mean that I have fixed the error of my planning ways? Oh, Lordy, no. I am still very weak in that department.

     Part of being an adult means being able to accept when your plan and God's plan don't align and trusting that His plan will be better for you in the long run. (Spoiler Alert : It always is.) That's part of what I have been learning this past summer. It's also why I haven't really posted anything on here - I hadn't gotten to the end of my lesson yet.

     At this point in most young adult's life, there are a few things that you start looking for once you have a job. Some of these things may include insurance, phone plans, and apartments. You might have this whole idea of how things will be when you live on your own, but then something happens, like an unexpected knee surgery. Or the fact that you're planning a wedding. Or that you're swimming in debt. All of a sudden, your plan has to go out the window.

     I'm sure y'all have picked up that these are real life examples from yours truly. God knew what was coming this summer, even if I didn't understand what was happening. While living at home at 24 isn't ideal, it does give me a much-needed chance to save money and pay off a huge chunk of loans I might not have been able to do otherwise. It also gives me family support (literally) for after my surgery. Living on my own afterward would be difficult for a while, especially if I ended up on a high floor somewhere.

     So, yes. this summer I haven't gotten everything that I wanted. And, yes, I have been / still slightly am frustrated by it. I think a lot of people feel that way when their plan and God's don't align. However, I have to keep moving forward. I have to remember my tattoo, the reason behind it, and trust that God will take care of me. He has always done so before, and I know that He will this time as well.

I hope your summer break was everything you were hoping for!

Until next time,

Kaity

Getting Back on Track!

I always find that resetting myself back up on a schedule is harder than when I first established the schedule. That sentence sounds confusing. Basically, what I mean is that this week is a bit of a struggle after coming home from camp. You have to understand that I thrive on scheduling. I get that part of adulting life, because I had to figure it out way back when in high school. However, being removed from it or having an ever changing schedule is stressful on me.

Before camp, I had a system. I would wake up a couple hours earlier than I needed and get to work on the day's to-dos. I would try to only leave a couple things for me to finish after work, because eight hours in the sun eventually takes its toll. Then I went to camp, where my schedule was total switched, only to come home five days later to try and jump back on that bandwagon. Turns out I'm not so good at the second part. (It's also why this blog post is three days late.)

In case you're wondering, camp was phenomenal. This year, Life Deaf Youth Camp's theme was #Selfie. Our main verse of the week was Genesis 1:27 and we spent the four and a half days there really talking about what our "selfies" show about us and about the Creator. We had some wonderful discussions about how to improve our selfies and how to be proud of them as well. The camp didn't just impact the campers; I truly believe that it impacted the staff as well.

Now, while camp was a wonderful and busy week away from reality, eventually we all had to come back home. It is now, as it was before, full steam ahead. These next 13 months will be the busiest I've had in quite some time. Why? Well, if you missed the announcement on my social media, Charles and I found a venue!

Somehow, we were extremely lucky and on our first visit, found the perfect place for the wedding. Yes, the date is established, too, but we will not be announcing that until engagement photos and save the dates are in the mail. (Basically, October / November ish.)

I can't tell you how awesome it is to have a date. It is nice to be able to count down and makes for planning everything else that much easier. One of the biggest chunks (or perhaps the biggest chunk) is checked off our list. While I know there's still a lot to do, I'm excited to really diving into planning this wedding.

Before I sign off, I do also have a couple of prayer requests. First, as a life guard, I hope that you pray for the life guards/ camp counselors / anyone else working outside in the Texas heat this summer. It looks like it's already turning into a brutal one, even after the amount of rain we've had. Also, this is my first summer back in Texas and I've basically forgotten what heat is. So prayers that people don't pass out at their job and that we make it through August in one, sweaty piece. (Also - please, please, please, drink lots of water and put on sunscreen. Please be safe - sunburns are not a safe way to get a tan.)

Second, I am right on the edge of getting this teaching certification from Massachusetts. It has been a process to hurry everything along so that I am able to even receive job offers. Once this certification is in place, I can start the transfer to a Texas certification, which is another whole ordeal in itself. Please pray that these things are taken care of quickly and efficiently. because right now this is a key component in my stress and anxiety.


Thank you for your prayers and support. Y'all are wonderful. Stay beautiful!

Until next time,

Kaity Sheppard

Learning to Balance

     I love Dr. Seuss. His books, while some of them made for nothing more than humor, knew how to break down important life messages into ways that children of all ages could understand.

     Around graduation every year, there is one particular book that always comes back around, Oh, the Places You'll Go! This is by far my favorite book written by Dr. Seuss. This book is also probably quoted more than any other because of how realistic it truly is. So, yes, while we might not actually face green, fluffy monsters that kind of look like their design was borrowed from the Loch Ness silhouette, the words still ring true. 

     I pulled this book out not too long ago to read again. My copy, a special anniversary edition, was given to me back when I graduated high school and has multiple hand written notes from loved ones throughout it. Both bring me a world of comfort - and also remind me that I must keep going. 

     One of the things I have been struggling with lately is that I want a relaxed summer vacation. I'm done with school, really and truly finished, and I just want to chill. The problem is that, especially as an adult, life doesn't slow down. There are things that need to be taken care of, problems that need solutions, and chores that need completing. Summer vacations are things of the past. 

     Of course, I am also trying to figure out this whole idea of balancing what needs to get done versus what I can reasonably get done in 24 hours. Sometimes I forget that I'm not Superman. I have a massive to-do list that connects with future jobs and the wedding and then I have a list of things that I want to do because, darn it, I just want to do it. Life requires a balance of the two so that you aren't burnt out, but so far I'm not too great at that. 

   

     I have my phone calendar, a planner, a weekly to - do list, and daily to-do list to try and help me knock out everything that is necessary. Most of the time, using these things keeps me on track as a successful juggler. Sometimes, I abuse these and throw too many balls in the air at once and lose control. There's really no in between for me. 

     I guess this post isn't so much teaching about balancing as it is requesting for help. (That's another adult skill I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with.) This week is going to be a long one, just between work and the list of what needs to be done. While, yes, prayers and good vibes are appreciated, I really would love to hear people's advice of staying balanced.

     Until next time,

           Kaity