A New Kind of Tired

Everybody warned me that the first week of teaching would be hell, especially on a new teacher. Especially on a Deaf Ed newbie like myself. But y'all, I still didn't know what would hit me.

Here I sit at 10:05 on a Sunday night, just wrapping up my lesson plans for this week. Not any of the materials - just the actual plans themselves. It has taken me over 4.5 hours to come up with six subject lesson plans for the week. (18 lesson plans because we have a weird block schedule-type thing.) I. Am. Pooped.

I think that the part of that is two-fold. First, I am learning the system of the school. Dos and don'ts, things that need to get done, how to be a case manager,  and how to do extra things that I didn't know I was going to be doing this year. Of course, add on that that we didn't get our schedules until three days in and you have a fairly stressed child.

Then, on top of that, those subjects that I never, ever wanted to see in my lifetime again have been added to my schedule. Geometry? Easy Peasy. Math Models? No sweat. Basic Science? I'll figure it out. World History? English? Now you've lost me.

Luckily, there are some nice teachers up here at Weatherford ISD that are pretty awesome and very willing to help a Newbie Teacher like me out. It brings my stress level down from about 100 to a 98.

All I know is that I am just so tired and there seems to be a never-ending list of things that need to be taken care of for school - which right now trumps the wedding and personal to-do lists. I feel like grad school taught me the theory behind swimming and then, feeling confident, I jumped into the deep end of the pool with no floaties on. Even though I'm pumping my arms and legs as fast as they will go, it feels like it's barely enough to keep my head above water.

People are constantly telling me that it will get easier - by the third year, you'll have a system down. Right now, I'm praying that I just get to the end of the week. We're already the second week in and I'm realizing mistakes that I've made; changes to how I would like to run my classroom. Right now, it's easy to change up what I'm doing, but I know it won't be easier the deeper we go.

If I were to sum up this last week into one word, it would be overwhelming. I am tired, both mentally and physically. I feel like I've been working nonstop and have very little to show for it. I know that most people always talk about the positives that happen in their life, but I want to give an accurate portrayal of becoming an adult, and it's not all butterflies and roses. This week was hard, y'all, and I know it won't be the only one.

So, this week, pray for the teachers. Pray for the ones who have been there for years, and then give extra prayers to the newbies like me, who feel like they are quite literally drowning. Pray that, as we are learning how to swim, we are reminded of why we chose this profession in the first place.

Thanks,

Kaity

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

     People always say that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Well, God is currently laughing so hard at me, there are tears in His eyes.

     You see, I am a stubborn child that likes to plan out my life. In January, I had a pretty decent idea of how the next twelve months were going to go. At the beginning of each of those months, I made a list of goals. Those goals were broken down by weeks and then I figured out what I needed to do each day to have a successful and productive week.

     Oh, yes. I am the mom from The Little Prince movie. (Phenomenal retelling of the book, by the way. If you have the time, you should watch the movie on Netflix.) I love planning. I don't like surprises; I prefer being fully prepared.

     I also have this tattoo on my side that represents "being willing to change". The whole point of me getting that tattoo two years ago was as a personal reminder that it's God's plan, not mine, that I need to follow. Does this mean that I have fixed the error of my planning ways? Oh, Lordy, no. I am still very weak in that department.

     Part of being an adult means being able to accept when your plan and God's plan don't align and trusting that His plan will be better for you in the long run. (Spoiler Alert : It always is.) That's part of what I have been learning this past summer. It's also why I haven't really posted anything on here - I hadn't gotten to the end of my lesson yet.

     At this point in most young adult's life, there are a few things that you start looking for once you have a job. Some of these things may include insurance, phone plans, and apartments. You might have this whole idea of how things will be when you live on your own, but then something happens, like an unexpected knee surgery. Or the fact that you're planning a wedding. Or that you're swimming in debt. All of a sudden, your plan has to go out the window.

     I'm sure y'all have picked up that these are real life examples from yours truly. God knew what was coming this summer, even if I didn't understand what was happening. While living at home at 24 isn't ideal, it does give me a much-needed chance to save money and pay off a huge chunk of loans I might not have been able to do otherwise. It also gives me family support (literally) for after my surgery. Living on my own afterward would be difficult for a while, especially if I ended up on a high floor somewhere.

     So, yes. this summer I haven't gotten everything that I wanted. And, yes, I have been / still slightly am frustrated by it. I think a lot of people feel that way when their plan and God's don't align. However, I have to keep moving forward. I have to remember my tattoo, the reason behind it, and trust that God will take care of me. He has always done so before, and I know that He will this time as well.

I hope your summer break was everything you were hoping for!

Until next time,

Kaity