The Process of Change

     For the last few weeks, I haven't written a blog post for a couple reasons. The first, being the most obvious, is the lack of time. It astounds me how short 24 hours really is. The second is not as easily explained; that is the fear of admitting the truth.

     These last few weeks have not been easy for me. They have forced me to really analyze the limits of my flexibility and patience ( I'm currently learning how to push those boundaries wider and wider), my teaching style (which is currently all over the place), do I like who I am as a teacher and as a person, and am I where I want to be (in the more abstract sense)? Y'all, I am struggling with figuring out a lot of these answers.

     I don't like the feeling of not knowing. I don't like the feeling of failure, and that's the feeling that I've been struggling with the most. Have I failed already in these first five weeks? Am I doing what is best for my students? Am I completing everything that is being asked of me?

     To me, part of that failure feeling also comes from not being able to write a 100% positive post over what is happening to me right now. I feel that I am struggling with finding the good things that I know, at some point, are happening during the days at my school.

      So, that's the reason that I have been quiet the last few weeks - I feel like I have not been as successful as what I would like to show on this blog. But, as I have stated before, this is my real life. I just need to find a way to seek out the positive in it.

    On a much happier note:

     Wedding planning, during all of this crazy, has somehow been progressing. There are things that we can officially knock off or to-do list, and that is such a wonderful feeling.

          ✓  Venue
        ✓  Photographer
          ✓  Videographer
          ✓  DJ
          ✓  Wedding Rings

     Engagement photos are coming up, dress shopping will be happening soon, and my goodness tastings out the wazooie!

      We are rocking and rolling over here! Every time we take a little bit of the weekend to complete a task (and God bless Charles because he's been doing most of them while I bury myself in school work) I get excited all over again, but not about the wedding. I mean, sure, our wedding is going to be awesome, but it's the part after I'm ready for; spending the rest of my life with my best friend and the person that I love most in this world. I'm ready for the marriage, and wedding planning reminds me that I am one day closer to getting there.

     That's my light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. The little thing that keeps me sane. When teaching gets tough,  ignore it for a while by planning your wedding.

     Probably not the best philosophy in the world, but at the moment, it's allowing me to stay sane.

     Until next time,

          Katiy